Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We had to coat check the pizza.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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