we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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