Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So squirting runs in the family.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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