I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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