I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
