oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
