ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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