dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
