doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
