Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
