I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
