I am puke
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
