I love black thongs
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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