Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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