great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
