so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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