Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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