im drinking this country out of the recession.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
