He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
