Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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