We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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