who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
