can u get pink eye on your cock?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
