i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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