I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
