Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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