last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Text me some of your sweat
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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