guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
