Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
