she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
