there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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