Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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