She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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