OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
