I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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