I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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