Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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