Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
