i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
