You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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