i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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