Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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