I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
