the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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