I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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