did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
