last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
