Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
