i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Congratulations! We have a period
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