I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
