His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
